RUMS destroyed by GKT
Charles West
Guest Writer
After three matches in the horrendous South-eastern 2B league the Guy’s men were biting at the bit to play some fast running, skilful rugby on the great pitches at the Watford training ground in Shenley.
The weather set a bad precedent for the day, with the barometer reading a low score.
With the prospect of an hour a half trip to North London the smiles were certainly not abound.
The journey was made more enjoyable with comments on the pre-match meals; Mr Rayappu sported a chicken-breast-only lunch with the clear aim of bulking up (despite the fact that his bones are already on the large side), while young man fresher Mr Wilkinson went for the unorthodox ‘oats in yoghurt’ tekkers citing the importance of complex carbohydrates within the gastric fundus to aid with sprint speed.
Finally St Alban’s station was hailed, where the squad of 20 (plus injured captain Mr ‘Blastoise’ Chin, along with Saffa coach Richard Aitken) alighted.
Taxis were required for the next leg of the journey, so verily a keen looking Mr West, by use of the shoulder abductors, waved down a four door Ford Estate of the enigmatic Abbey Astar Taxis. Luckily he had the presence of mind to request a receipt from the gentleman in charge of the automobile, so that he would later be able to claim money back from the bureaucrats at KCLSU.
The Hospital team were allocated to changing room A10 where the team came in dribs and drabs from the station.
Kit was applied to the upper and lower parts of the body in the usual manner, with everyone successfully donning shirt, breeches, jock, suspenders, boots and gum shield in good order.
The match in itself was a formality, but credit to the RUMS boys who played on to the end with gusto and scored an excellent consolation try at the death of the match.
Of note was a fine debut from fresher Mr Taylor. Mr West was also extremely good.
With the business of the day dealt with the fun times began. The showers at Shenley are the stuff of legend and the water supply is quite soft meaning quite a strong lather can be created with high quality shower gels.
Clean, spic and span the journey back to Central was a fast one so the squad were quickly assembled at the poet John Keats memorial statue for celebratory gins.
A game of pockets was started in the subterranean lair at Guy’s bar, which is where the lesson of the day was learnt:
‘It is not a good idea to wear a shirt to Guy’s bar that is kitted out with a pocket.’
Other immature frivolities followed and innumerable bodily fluids of all sorts were excreted into various places by different members of the team by the early hours of Thursday. Unfortunately many of the firms of the GKT Hospitals had to do without their rugby playing students due to a collective lack of extracellular volume.
RUMS are currently the highest ranked hospital 2nd XV and ought to stand a good chance of winning the Junior Hospitals Cup. Good luck to them and their plucky young number 8. The team from Guy's will meet the RUMS 1st XV on 1st Feb.
In terms of the Guy’s Hospital 1st XV chances of getting our filthy South-East London hands on the famous trophy, we will try our best and do justice to our club’s great history, but perhaps it may be worth putting an outside bet on St Bartholomews and The Royal London having a turn at UH glory.
With their excellent Swiss winger, Lucas Rehnberg, surely there is nothing they cannot achieve - although the men at Paddington are all jolly good chaps, and will no doubt put up staunch resistance.
There is no doubt in our mind that medical sport is as fit and well as the players selected in the various teams.
If BUCS enforce this so called merger with our parent Universities, then in our opinion they should, “Go fuck themselves."
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